De-Friended

"Hmmm, I haven't seen an update from ____ in awhile... 

I wonder what's up with... 

wait.... what? 

No... Am I??? 

I'VE BEEN DE-FRIENDED?!?!"

It's been a while since I've gone off... Well get ready, cuz Ima be, Ima be, Ima, Ima, Ima be goin off right about now.

I love when I see a comment on Macy's facebook from people I haven't heard from in awhile, and it ends up being due to the fact that I was de-friended by them. I particularly love when these people are FAMILY MEMBERS (you know who you are), and when I see them they are all smiles and "We miss you guys!"
"Blah Blah Blah! Zip it, you're dead to me!"

I just came across yet another person or six in my family and a former "friend" who has defriended me. Let's not have any misconceptions that I am the kind of person who likes to just let things slide without stirring the pot in traditional passive aggressive fashion.

Defriending: is exactly what the button implies. You are taking an action to disassociate your friendship with that person. Oh yes, it is exactly that serious.

NO, IM NOT OVER-REACTING! YOU ARE!

Defriending implies, you don't care what I'm up to, you are not interested in what's going on in my life, you don't care to see pictures of my family, or watch my twilight video... or read my aimless ranting blog posts (much like this one)... and you would like to stop sharing the same information about your life with me.

These days there is no better way to send a message of personal disdain and lack of carring than to de-friend someone. If they made a Hallmark card that simply said "I have de-friended you" inside, it would be no different than sending it to someone. You went out of your way to defriend me. It took thought and effort to send me this lovely DEFRIENDED card, and you even put a little heart over the "i".

One might think, knowing me, I would be a major advocate for de-friending rights. But to the contrary; there are only a handful of acceptable reasons to defriend someone. First we must establish there are 3 different types of facebook "friends" and some are OFF LIMITS to defriending. (Plus I am the defriended in this case... that might play into my direction with this post)

1. The Regulars - People in your real life
Usually family members, in-laws, out-laws, your best friends, etc... These are supposedly the people you love. They are both people you see on a frequent basis or only at the holiday's when you are visiting.

This makes up 2.5% of your facebook friends list.
How to defriend?

YOU CAN'T!!! The only way you can defriend these people is by actual divorce and even then you have to wait an acceptable cool-off period, unless they are really horrible people. You generally make an advent calendar and wait the standard 60 days before the defriending so it won't be as obvious.
If they are actual blood relation family, like say an UNCLE or a FAVORITE AUNT! or a COUSIN (who's butt you covered for after a couple of crazy parties)... (scorned hinting implied).
Inlaw or outlaw, it is NOT acceptable to defriend them, period. You can ignore them all you want, filter them if you will, but no defriending without legal documentation. I don't care if they are a fan of "Clubbing baby seals Group" or "Obama 2012"... NO DEFRIENDING.

2. The Occasionals

These are people you are friendly with, but not FRIENDS with... people you lived by, worked with etc... see from time to time at parties, church, Wal-mart... and keep in loose contact with. You generally "get" each other and can joke around. 

This makes up about 7.5% of your facebook friends list.
How to defriend?
You must be out of communication for at least 6 months, every time you "catch up" the counter resets.

Exclusion: As per the family designation: family members are not eligible for this clause. 

3. Extra's
A: People you knew back in the day

B: Friends you grew up with
C: Friends or family of friends who you find interesting
D: People you dont really know...
E: People you met once and thought were kinda funny
F: People you haven't actually met but you heard a story about them or saw a comment they made once on someone else's facebook post... (Tom Parker)
This makes up 90% of your facebook friends list.
How to defriend?
Subject to the above exclusions... Have at, you can defriend them at any time for any reason. Are they a fan of "I like crackers and cheese" ? Go ahead defriend away! Maybe they posted pictures of their dog and cat in holiday sweaters.... DEFRIEND. Clicked the "Like" busson for Nancy Pelosi... you go it : DEFRIEND!

Bottom line, defriending is the perfect way to say "get out". So you had better be careful with you defriending and make sure you know what you are doing and who you are doing it to. You never know when a disgruntled nephew or cousin who has put up with you for 30 years will decided to write a blog about you, and that party we were at... with Josh's band... You know the one.

The really frustrating thing is, I am now defriended, and thus it is doubtful any of these people will read this rant, because they are jerks who defriended me...
I am just a little hopeful that a friend or family member will read it and then ask them "Hey, are you one of "the ones" who DE-friend Brent?" and they will say "Yeah..." and then that person will punch them in the face, drag them to a computer and make them read this, Ala Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

XOXO
You're dead to me